The absentee father
So what about Terry's father? We've talked a little about "Evelyn's husband," but what about him as a dad? And specifically, the author's relationship with him. I guess what I'm getting at is that I think there's a lot in what she didn't say about her father. It seems to me that she has not forgiven him and/or the memories are too painful and she is unable to deal with him in the book, except as a sidenote. She really doesn't talk about him more than absolutely necessary. I have a few guesses about why (none of them too deep).
First, I think Terry probably hasn't resolved her feelings for her father. She obviously loves and admires her mother very much, to write a book like this about her life, and she sees her father as a main source of her mother's pain. What a life Evelyn would have had and could have made for her family had she not been burdened with her husband's problems. Kelly was a fun dad now and then, but was mostly just the guy to avoid, and was even occasionally the enemy (especially when he hurt Evelyn). It's probably too painful for Terry to write much about her father.
Second, I think that Evelyn was more of a father figure than Kelly. So in writing about Evelyn, Terry wrote about both mother and father. Evelyn is the one the kids went to when they needed money, "things," help with homework. She was even the one they played catch with, and was the most supportive of the older boys when they went off to play baseball professionally. Kelly failed to fulfill his role, so Evelyn filled both mother and father roles. Kelly wasn't even home most of the time anyway (except at night, when he drank and they avoided him).
Third, and what is probably the dominant reason, this book is Terry's tribute to her mother. It's written about a woman who always made the best out of life, even when it was incredibly difficult. She didn't dwell on her poverty, lack of education, difficult husband, or even her very mischievous kids. Terry didn't want to sully the story of her mom's triumphs with too much sordid detail. She gave only the pertinent details about her dad's interactions with the family, and left it at that.
In short, I'm amazed that Terry could tell the story of her mother's life with so little emphasis on her father. I'm intrigued about her present feelings toward her father, which are probably much too complex to be explained by my little blogpost, or even by Terry herself. And I wonder if any of you have other ideas about Terry and her dad...
First, I think Terry probably hasn't resolved her feelings for her father. She obviously loves and admires her mother very much, to write a book like this about her life, and she sees her father as a main source of her mother's pain. What a life Evelyn would have had and could have made for her family had she not been burdened with her husband's problems. Kelly was a fun dad now and then, but was mostly just the guy to avoid, and was even occasionally the enemy (especially when he hurt Evelyn). It's probably too painful for Terry to write much about her father.
Second, I think that Evelyn was more of a father figure than Kelly. So in writing about Evelyn, Terry wrote about both mother and father. Evelyn is the one the kids went to when they needed money, "things," help with homework. She was even the one they played catch with, and was the most supportive of the older boys when they went off to play baseball professionally. Kelly failed to fulfill his role, so Evelyn filled both mother and father roles. Kelly wasn't even home most of the time anyway (except at night, when he drank and they avoided him).
Third, and what is probably the dominant reason, this book is Terry's tribute to her mother. It's written about a woman who always made the best out of life, even when it was incredibly difficult. She didn't dwell on her poverty, lack of education, difficult husband, or even her very mischievous kids. Terry didn't want to sully the story of her mom's triumphs with too much sordid detail. She gave only the pertinent details about her dad's interactions with the family, and left it at that.
In short, I'm amazed that Terry could tell the story of her mother's life with so little emphasis on her father. I'm intrigued about her present feelings toward her father, which are probably much too complex to be explained by my little blogpost, or even by Terry herself. And I wonder if any of you have other ideas about Terry and her dad...
posted by Christy | 8:57 PM
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